Filipino | Optimistic Realist

The Day I Almost Kind Of Met The President Serendipitously. (Based on a True Story)

Posted on May 15, 2015 by ellej3

If you ask me “how did your day go Elle?” I’d say “Fantastic!”
“Tell me about it.”
*Cue dramatic music*
I woke up in the morning and went for a jog down my street.
Little did I know, there were police on motorcycle on my way. My first thoughts were “Oh no, was I jogging too fast? I swear I was only running 5 km/hr.”
Then they just smiled at me. Just then, I saw a car which had a small Philippine flag inside the windshield! Then it hit me: The Philippine president was staying at Westin hotel on my street! (I was like OMG!) I felt giddy and proceeded to the Parliament. Philippine flags were flirting with the wind against the cerulean skies and crisp spring morning breeze. (And there was a small spider on my shirt. Yikes!)

I spotted the GMA and ABS-CBN reporters, two of the largest TV network station in the Philippines and I had the opportunity to talk with the GMA reporter, a very pleasant lady who congratulated me for being a Canadian citizen and a university student. (Thanks(?))

Then I made me way near the Parliament building where an RCMP officer informed me that the president was coming at 10:00 AM. He insisted we take a selfie.

It turned out, Filipinos in Ottawa were too busy to meet the president and it was only Miss Eve, a fellow Filipina who left work to take videos, and I who decorated the street to meet the president. As all decent Filipinos would do, we took a selfie. Teehee.

We waited and waited. And of course 10:00 AM was Filipino Standard Time. The president arrived at 10:45ish (Canadian Time). We didn’t realize it was him and we completely ignored the diplomatic cars going by. Turned out, he had passed right under our noses!

Nevertheless, we met the Filipino “Men in Black” Rolando Vargas and the other guy (dunno-his-name) and we chatted with Rolando and he informed us that they were indeed staying at the Westin Hotel(!!!!) Few doors down my apartment. I was like “Waah no way! That’s like soo weird.” His Excellency had gone to Rideau Centre, (Mall next to my house) which was connected to Westin, to buy some CDs.

Just Miss Eve and I greeting the president

Soon, we made a mad dash towards the parliament building to capture Prime Minister Stephen Harper and President Benigno Aquino, although from a far distance as we were not allowed to be near the building.

Going home, I also witnessed a peculiar sight with different types of Canadian army. They had a moment of silence and oops, I pressed the button to cross the street and got dirty looks. I’m really sorry!! D’:

The Impostor In Me

Posted on February 10, 2015 by ellej3

I am an impostor. I live inside this persona of brilliance and bravery,

Behind a blinding smile, and an eloquent tongue.

A gentle human being with a kind soul, and humility.

But inside, I’m just a hollow shell of a human being.

A poor excuse for a soul.

See, it was a fluke I made it to one of the most prestigious universities in Canada.

My mind is rather slow, and although thoughts flood my brain all day,

I am not sure they are my own ideas.

See, I was born in a tiny Village near the sea in Palawan.

See, I was raised on a humble farm.

Corals wounded me, and lovegrass clung onto my clothes.

My teeth were gapped, and hair almost always unkempt.

My eyebrows were in discordance.

Yet here I am in this beautiful country.

There was nothing noteworthy I have done in my life.

Yes, I won Most Valuable Player, but that was a fluke, too.

Yes, I won spelling bees, speech and essay contests,

But only because my opponents were shy.

Speech Award 2009 (Moosonee Public School)

Yes, I have gotten the highest GPA in grades 9 and 10.

But only because I was not in the best school – a public school.

The same school that kicked me out for they could not offer university prerequisite.

But see, I convinced myself finally in Grade 11, when I moved to Boarding School.

Told that impostor, “you are not smart enough.”

And so that impostor believed me.

She stopped trying and indeed, I was right.

I had gotten my first 77% in Physics.

But that impostor was a little stubborn,

She made friends! Can you believe it? How dare she?

She had great time with friends, made sushi with them,

Hung out with them at Walmart, and Baskin Robbins.

Even dressed up like one of them.

But I had to stop that impostor, so I told her, “you are not pretty enough.”

And so, that impostor believed me.

She stopped associating with those so-called friends.

Sooner or later, they would find out she was faking it all along.

But that Impostor was still obstinate.

“I want to become a doctor.” She cheekily declared.

I shook my head, “No, no, don’t you see? You’re not good enough. Those people only pity you. That is why you are the registrar’s assistant. That is why you were Vice President of the dorm, and that is why you were appointed campus ministry leader. It is not about you, but the pity they had for you because you were harassed last year.”

The Impostor opened her eyes and had an epiphany, “you’re right. Who am I to be this person? Wow, this is not me! In fact, I do not even deserve the love of my life.”

I had gotten several awards at the end of the year: Caring Heart Awards for North American Division, Top Model Student, Highest Honours, Best Actress, Service Not Fame, Principal’s List, Perfect Attendance.

And I was disgusted. The cameras were flashing and my colleagues were clapping.

But I felt fear. The fear that someday, my disguise will be stripped down and they will see me. Fear and shame intermingled and I felt like breaking down in front of all these people who believed in me – the impostor.

The raw me. The farm girl, the girl with the teeth gap, the acne-ridden girl, the girl who foolishly fell in-love, the girl whose mind is slow, that immigrant girl who is poor.

And so, I made it to University. One of the top ten research universities in the country.

I saw my peers for the first time. They all looked brilliant.

What was this dumb, Filipina immigrant doing here?

By now, the Impostor in me had come to believe me.

The Impostor could not believe she has gone so far.

There is no escape now.

The Impostor does not know if she could fake any longer, and so she hid.

Hid from the world. Her mask was melting. The gimmicks were no longer working.

She was not pretty, smart, lovable, or good enough. The mask has been worn, now nearly but shreds.

She had stopped trying.

There was no use after all.

The love of her life had left her for another girl – perhaps one who was not fake.

But then, two weeks ago, she confided in a friend.

Her friend was shocked.

“Elle,” her friend told her, “you are not an impostor.”

Then I realized, she was talking to me.

“There is no such thing as an impostor. You made it this far. You came from the Philippines, you learned the language, and here you are in our program! You’re learning the same things as I. You’re worth it, and you can do anything you want to do. It’s not a fluke you made it this far, please do not give up on your dreams.”

I looked for the Impostor that was within.

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Be real. (Moosonee, ON)

But I could not find her. She was but a figment of my imaginations.

And for the first time, I accepted the truth.

I was meant to be here.

And I am good enough, I am smart enough, I am lovable enough, I am pretty enough.

I am enough.

Author’s Note:

I’ve never been one to brag about what I have done in life. In fact, there really is nothing noteworthy about my life (unless typing 800 words an hour counts. 😉
In my culture, brushing off your accomplishments is a norm.

“Oh it’s nothing, that was just lucky!” We call it the “humble effect.” I’ve placed that principle in my life, but I’ve also seen it’s adverse effect that manifested itself as Impostor Syndrome. Now I am in university, I have this insecurity that I will be “found out” that I am indeed not good enough, being a Filipina immigrant.

Anyways, two weeks ago, I confided to a friend who was in the same program and she was shocked at what I told her. I almost cried when she told me, “Elle, you’re not an impostor, you deserved to be here, you came to Canada, and learned the language, and you made it to [this program], learning the same thing as those born in Canada.”

I hugged her, with new hope filling my heart.

The Far Eastern Court: Stage Play

Posted on February 2, 2015 by ellej3

STAGE PLAY The Far Eastern Court (A.D 1845)

Ellen Galupo

LIEUTENANT RUBEN CASTILLO 54 year old lieutenant

FRANCESKA 15 year old servant and lieutenant’s mistress

CONSUELA Franceska’s mother

JUAN Franceska’s father

COURT OFFICER Peace keeper

VILLAMOR An 85 year old, white haired and senile judge.

ALVAREZ Franceska’s lawyer

JURY #1 Appointed jury

A stout, powerful man named LIEUTENANT RUBEN de VILLANUEVA MARQUEZ DELGADO y CASTILLO, 54, in a fine suit and a single spectacle sits proudly upon his prominent nose. He stands behind a mahogany podium. He was a Spanish general assigned to the Philippine colony in 1845, and owner of the largest plantation, and farms to lease in Northern Luzon, Philippines. A young girl named FRANCESKA, fifteen, sits on the opposite side of the Lieutenant, head bowed in humiliation.

COURT OFFICER: All rise! Your Honour Villamor will now commence the court session. Trial case number 3090, plaintiff Lieutenant Ruben de Villanueva Marquez Delgado y Castillo (The officer takes a deep breath) is suing defendant Franceska Tejano for illegal termination of pregnancy of his child. Defendant and Plaintiff you will raise your right hand and take oath under the Supreme Judge in Heaven and to the Law of the Land. (Takes the oath of the plaintiff and defendant with a Holy Bible)

JUDGE VILLAMOR: You may rest thy buttocks upon the pews provided.

(Laughter in the court)

COURT OFFICER: Silence!

JUDGE VILLAMOR: (Flushed red, mumbling) Peasants. (Loud presiding voice) Are the plaintiff and the defendant present?

LIEUTENANT AND FRANCESKA: Present, Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: I must speak with the plaintiff, uh… Lieutenant Ruben de Villanueva Marquez Delgado y Castillo.

LIEUTENANT: Yes, Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: You are taking legal action against the defendant Franceska Tejano for neglect and for illegally terminating her pregnancy with your infant? Is that correct?

LIEUTENANT: Correct Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: What is your relation with the defendant?

LIEUTENANT: On January 17, 1834, I have acquired Franceska and her parents Juan and Consuela Tejano by legal agreement for their failure to comply with a farm lease. Thus, they are now, by Spanish Constitutional Slavery Law, my possession. The Law indicates Franceska as my legal mistress, and by 21, she will be my wife.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Ah, yes yes, the court commands the defendant to reduce the decibel level. Thy Honour is suffering from hypersensitive audible range.

LIEUTENT: It shall be granted Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: I thank thee. Now, is the relationship amorous or merely a bureaucratic duty?

LIEUTENANT: I invoke my right to self-incrimination.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Lieutenant, do remember you are under the oath of the Holy Bible. In that very book, be rest assured that it states we shall not omit truth.

LIEUTENANT: (Uncomfortably) The second one Your Honour. But you see, my wives are now mature and were unable to bear male heirs to inherit my plantations and haciendas in Northern Luzon.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: And you have copulated with the defendant?

LIEUTENANT: (His face is turning tomato red) well… Yes, but by bureaucratic means.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: No amorous relation. Is that correct?

LIEUTENANT: Correct, Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: I will now speak with the defendant.

ALVAREZ: Your Honour, I am the legal representative of señora Franceska. Franceska is only fifteen years of age, thus not obligated to address the trial.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Very well. I have a number of questions. Under what premise did the defendant consent to terminate the pregnancy? And In terms of months, how far along was the pregnancy?

ALVAREZ: Well, the defendant, contrary to what the Lieutenant had stated, did not consent to the pregnancy. The defendant had repeatedly informed me that the plaintiff had coerced her into bearing a child. A child for which my client was not ready to conceive.

LIEUTENANT: Objection Your Honour! She had no right to consent. She is under a contract!

JUDGE VILLAMOR: (To lieutenant) Lieutenant, please keep it to a low decibel and secure thy oral apparatus unless addressed. (To Alvarez) In terms of months, how far along was the pregnancy?

ALVAREZ: Three months, Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Very well. I understand that you are also counter suing the plaintiff?

ALVAREZ: Correct Your Honour. The plaintiff is guilty of coercion and illegal reproductive enforcement to copulate.

LIEUTENANT: I did not do such a thing!

JUDGE VILLAMOR: All comments made by both defendant and plaintiff are not the court’s final decision. I will now speak with the defendant’s parents.

JUAN: (Absentmindedly rubbing his chin) we’re here sire.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: I will be referred to as “Your Honour.”

JUAN: Sure. (He shrugs)

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Now, Mr. Tejano, where have you matriculated? And what level of education have you obtained?

JUAN: Matriculated Your Honour?

JUDGE VILLAMOR: (Sighs) what school did you go to? And until what level?

JUAN: Ooh! Mapanas Elementary School. And Grade 3 sir. My mother was ill so I had to quit school.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: And, what is your occupation Mr. Tejano?

JUAN: Occupation sir? I occupy Mr. Lieutenant’s farm. We rent there and we occupy the hut in the farm. Nine of us occupy it.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Alright… but what do you do for a living?

JUAN: Ah! I breathe sir.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: May I speak with your wife?

JUAN: I guess.

CONSUELA: My apologies Your Honour. My husband has been dumb since birth. His hearing is not too well.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Apology accepted.

CONSUELA: I am grateful for your acceptance. (She bows slightly at him)

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Mrs. Tejano, how many children do you have?

CONSUELA: I have seven, Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: And Franceska is the eldest?

CONSUELA: No, Your Honour, she is the second.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Is your eldest child a female?

CONSUELA: Yes, her name is Annabella.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Is she married?

CONSUELA: No, Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Why do you think Lieutenant has chosen Franceska if her duties were supposedly bureaucratic and not the eldest?

CONSUELA: Perhaps he is attracted to her.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: That is not how Lieutenant describes their relationship.

LIEUTENANT: Thank you, Your Honour! These people are malevolent. Harming my reputation.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Lieutenant, I meant, if the relationship is “bureaucratic” then why choose the defendant over the eldest daughter.

LIEUTENANT: (Stammers) well, uh, she works for me, and the eldest daughter happens to have a beau, and I respect that.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: (Seemingly sarcastic) Very commendable lieutenant. Now, Mrs. Tejano, were you aware of the contents of the contract, the very same which bound your daughter to this circumstance?

CONSUELA: Your Honour, we are poor. No other man would take a family of our size into his farm as generously as the Lieutenant, but we are not aware of his intentions, nor do we concern ourselves with such highly intellectual matters.

LIEUTENANT: Objection! You signed the contract! (Points at the contract)

JUDGE VILLAMOR: You are right Lieutenant, it is written here, but please, I must speak with Mrs. Tejano. Mrs. Tejano, did you read the contract?

CONSUELA: (She lowers her head and starts to weep) Your Honour, I do admit we took some grains of rice from the Lieutenant’s share of the farm. By October, the fruit harvest and our rice crops were destroyed by the typhoon.

LIEUTENANT: Oh, just listen to these crooks!

JUDGE VILLAMOR: (Ignores the lieutenant) did you read the contract and willingly sign your daughter away?

CONSUELA: Your Honour, I am a woman, supposedly illiterate, since birth, I was never allowed to touch a book, but I taught myself. The contract was between my husband and the lieutenant. You are aware my husband only completed third grade. Please your honour, had I known, I would never sign my daughter away. (She sobs)

JUDGE VILLAMOR: The jurors and the law shall not be swayed by sympathy Mrs. Tejano.

CONSUELA: I understand.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Lieutenant, I must speak with you.

LIEUTENANT: Finally, I was dying to speak.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: That fact is undeniable. Lieutenant, your case is in accordance with the law of the land.

LIEUTENANT: Of course it is.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Terminating pregnancy is strongly prohibited and is punishable by death.

LIEUTENANT: One reaps what one sows.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Well said.

LIEUTENANT: So, are we finished? What are you waiting for Your Honour?

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Not so hasty lieutenant, the law requires further investigation. We are talking about life and death here.

LIEUTENANT: She killed my male heir! The little boy who will grow up to be like myself – bold, marvelous, talented and masterful.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Indeed she has done so, but under what circumstance?

LIEUTENANT: That needs no further investigation. She killed the child, and made it sound like I coerced her into copulating with me.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: You did not coerce her?

LIEUTENANT: Of course not.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Attorney Alvarez, I must speak with the defendant. I ask permission to bypass third party mediator.

ALVAREZ: (Consults Franceska, then with full authority said:) Permission granted.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Franceska, buenas dias señora.

FRANCESKA: (quietly) Buenas dias, Your Honour.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: I have a few questions, is that alright?

FRANCESKA: Yes.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Was the manner in which lieutenant administered the copulation forceful in any circumstance?

FRANCESKA: Yes.

LIEUTENANT: What?! You don’t know what you are talking about.

FRANCESKA: Yes I do. (Louder) I do not want to have a child, for I am a child myself.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Franceska, you are aware that abortion is punishable by death?

FRANCESKA: (Bolder) I am aware. I did not want a child, but if I were to have one, I would love it like I love my little sisters. The baby just disappeared.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: What do you mean by “disappear”?

LIEUTENANT: She’s a liar! Execute that prostitute.

FRANCESKA: (Now angry) I am not a prostitute! You made me one! Your Honour, Lieutenant forced me. He said if I don’t do it, he will kick my family out of the farm. I was afraid.

CONSUELA: Franceska! Be quiet!

FRANCESKA: Mother! All my life I have been taking care of my siblings, can I not do anything to justify myself for once? For once? Please mother. If I die today, I will die an honest woman. A woman who stood up for herself. I am merely a child and a woman. I have no worth. But you have taken even that too, and what little dignity I have left.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Go on Franceska.

FRANCESKA: He had done it since I was only eight years old. But I did not get pregnant because I was not yet a ‘woman’.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: I see. (His brows furrowed)

FRANCESKA: The baby disappeared because in January, the typhoon came, and we had no rice to eat. Lieutenant forced my family to give him whatever little was left. When I saw his treatment of my family, I had refused to let him force me again and I threatened to tell the authority. He said “you would not dare”. I begged him for food, but he was so selfish I was so hungry. I guess I was so hungry the baby had no food inside me, and it left.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Are you saying you had a miscarriage? And by the time he refused to give you food, did he know you were pregnant?

FRANCESKA: I guess. And yes, he did.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: Thank you Franceska that will be all.

LIEUTENANT: I did not do such a thing. I have every right according to the law. She is a liar. Who would believe a 15 year old? She has no evidence of “miscarriage.” A Filipino prostitute. I should have known better than to trust the Spaniard’s slave. Filipinos are never to be trusted and no filthy blood of theirs shall ever be mixed with our royal blood. She’s a filthy murderer! Murderer! Murderer!

CROWD: MURDERER! MURDERER! CHILD MURDERER! AWAY WITH HER! EXECUTE HER!

Jury # 1: As part of the jury, we have come to a mutual agreement that the defendant is found, accordingly to the law of the land, and by contract, GUILTY as charged.

JUDGE VILLAMOR: (Pounds his gavel) the defendant, Franceska Tejano, is… (There was a gunshot straight through the Judge’s cranium)

Who shot the judge? What was his final judgment? Who was guilty? Was Juan trying to protect his daughter? Or was lieutenant truly guilty and covering up for his crime?

~ EXEUNT ~

Inventory of Being

Posted on February 2, 2015 by ellej3

Five feet two I stand as Ellen G.

But I like being called Elle because Ellen sounds mature like Ellen White.

I do not know my exact weight because it fluctuates from party to party, from one caf food to the next and from the time I visit the gym biannually.

I will not mention my love for pandas, but what I will mention is my dislike for physics.

I am absentminded; constantly swimming in the cobalt pool of my thoughts and strolling through the forest of my twisted philosophies. A grand escapade.

I am forgetful…I am forgetful- and I like pandas.

I find obstetrics and liberating neonates from its mother’s womb fascinating, but the thought of delivering my own horrifies me.

I want to have four kids named Naya, Asher, James, and Perry, but I do not think it will happen in my lifetime.

I am a runner by heart, but not by feet. My bones are too weak and brittle. I suspect I have cancer of the bone, but my mother said I have hypochondria. I guess, with that disease, I shall die honourably.

I love culinary arts, but the love is unrequited. I have pleaded, begged, and seduced but all I get is spontaneous combustion in rebellion for my immense adoration.

I am Filipino by blood, but Canadian by legal papers.

I am friendly and I always get along with everyone; except those with whom I do not get along.

I love laughing until my belly jiggles and rock but sometimes I laugh at the wrong things at inappropriate moments.

I am much more eloquent in my mind than in my verbal utterances.

I am blind, deaf, and almost crippled –because love is that powerful.

I love swimming and badminton because I am good at them – but I will never try basketball or figure skating lest anyone laugh. But I like making people laugh.

I am analytical, but people sometimes associate that with being slow. Love me or hate me, I would prefer that you love me.

I don’t always like eggplants but when I do, it’s in the trash.

I love waking up in the morning because Michael Buble is my alarm, but my enthusiasm usually vanishes by 7:30.

I like listening to instrumental piano solo, because it’s soothing…but perhaps because it brings back memory of somebody that I used to know.

I dislike the thought of someone leaving.

Talks with my parents are the best, but they are always short. I wish I had more of them.

My fear is being a born again Christian, and staying as a newborn.

I wish I can say that I am right with God, but that would be a lie.

I am stubborn, strong-willed and persistent, but I can never verbally say it therefore I end up conforming to society.

I’d someday like to travel to third world countries just to remind myself how privileged I am.

I think I am pretty lucky to be in Canada.

I think I am loved immensely.

I think I am unique.

I think I am Ellen Galupo.

I think, therefore I am.

I am Ellen and this is 2015.

Who Am I?